There’s a subtle shift happening in our culture, and if we’re honest, in our own hearts too.
We’ve started confusing wanting something with having a right to it.
“If I feel it strongly enough, it must be valid.”
“If I desire it deeply enough, it must be justified.”
We see it in relationships, ambition, and how people treat one another. Desire gets elevated, and boundaries get minimized. With it, dignity gets forgotten.
That tension isn’t new. It’s as old as humanity.
In Genesis 34:1–4, we encounter a deeply unsettling story.
Now Dinah, the daughter Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the women of the land. 2 When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and raped her. 3 His heart was drawn to Dinah daughter of Jacob; he loved the young woman and spoke tenderly to her. 4 And Shechem said to his father Hamor, “Get me this girl as my wife.”
Genesis 34:1-4, New International Version
It’s a jarring passage. And it’s meant to be.
Because it exposes something we’d rather not face: desire, when disconnected from dignity, becomes destructive.
Shechem’s story isn’t one of love. It’s one of taking.
He saw. He wanted. He acted.
Only afterward did he try to attach the language of love to what he had done.
That’s not love.
That’s desire without restraint.
Passion without honor.
Wanting without regard for the person on the other side of that want.
Deciding what you want is your right.
And before we distance ourselves too quickly from the story, it’s worth asking a very tough question of ourselves. How often do we follow the same pattern—just in more socially acceptable ways?
Wanting someone’s attention without honoring their boundaries?
Pursuing relationships for what they give us rather than who the person is?
Using words like “love” to justify actions rooted in selfish desire?
The story forces us to confront a hard truth. It’s possible to feel something strongly and still be completely wrong in how we act on it.
So what do we do with this horrific story?
We learn from it. We learn to honor people more than our desires. That sounds simple, but it cuts deep.
The world constantly tells you to “follow your heart” and “you have a right to that.” However, Scripture calls you to something higher. It calls you to lead your heart.
Ask yourself,
- “Does this action respect the dignity of the other person?”
- “Am I treating them as someone made in God’s image, or as something I want?”
- “Would I still move forward if their good was the priority?”
Because real love doesn’t take first and explain later. Real love honors first, even when it costs something.
And here’s the uncomfortable reality. Following Jesus often means saying no to our desires to say yes to honoring others. But that’s not a loss. That’s transformation.
When desire is submitted to the Lord, it stops being destructive and starts reflecting Him.
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