Have you ever tried to fix a relationship, but instead of asking forgiveness, you just tried to “do better” to impress the person?
Maybe you forgot an anniversary and ran out to buy flowers the next day. Or you hurt someone’s feelings, and thought a quick good deed would patch things up. But the other person could tell: you weren’t really sorry—you were just trying to look better.
That’s kind of what’s happening in Genesis 28:6–9.
6 Now Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and had sent him to Paddan Aram to take a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he commanded him, “Do not marry a Canaanite woman,” 7 and that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram. 8 Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; 9 so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.
Genesis 28:6-9, New International Version
Esau realizes that his brother Jacob has received their father Isaac’s blessing. He also learned that Jacob’s obedience in marrying within the family line pleased his parents. Esau, on the other hand, has already married two Canaanite women. This brought grief to his parents (see Genesis 26:34–35).
So what does Esau do?
He decides to “make it right” by marrying one of Ishmael’s daughters. On the surface, this looks like an attempt to fix the situation. He seems to align himself with the family’s spiritual heritage. But things aren’t always what they seem.
Esau’s action is reactive, not repentant. He’s trying to earn approval through performance rather than humbling himself to seek true reconciliation.
The irony?
His solution only complicates things further. Esau’s new marriage adds to his spiritual confusion rather than correcting it. He’s still making decisions apart from the Lord’s direction, still driven by appearances, not transformation.
You see, there’s a big difference between repentance and reputation management.
Repentance turns the heart toward the Lord; it’s a 180-degree turn from where we were. Reputation management tries to make us look right without actually being right.
Esau wanted the blessing without the surrender. He wanted to belong to the covenant family without submitting to the covenant Lord. His action was moral window dressing—obedience without relationship.
We can easily fall into Esau’s trap. We volunteer more, give more, or show up to church activities more. But we’re not doing this because our hearts are soft toward Jesus, but because we’re trying to “balance the scales.”
But the Lord isn’t impressed with gestures that lack surrender. He desires hearts that are broken, not busy; contrite, not performative.
If you’ve ever realized you’ve been “doing right things for wrong reasons,” take heart. Jesus invites you to start again, not by adding another good deed, but by coming to Him honestly.
He doesn’t need us to perform for His approval. He wants us to return to His presence.
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